Category Archives: Resistance

In Praise Of Resistance

“Resistance is a powerful motivator precisely because it enables us to fulfill our longing to achieve our goals while letting us boldly recognize and name the obstacles to those achievements.”
― Derrick A. Bell , Author

We often resist what is next for us. Resistance is a powerful ally, familiar to us in our daily lives. It is misidentified by the words: “I don’t want to.” We use them to explain to ourselves and to others why we are resisting something.

Resistance is different than want. Resistance is: refusal to accept something new or different: effort made to stop or to fight against someone or something: the ability to prevent something from having an effect. -Merriam-Webster

Want is: to desire or wish for (something): to need (something): to be without (something needed) -Merriam-Webster

As you can see from the definitions, resistance is more powerful, active and decisive than wanting or not wanting something.

Of course, both are valid if we know that they are different and represent a different part of our selves. The problem lies in thinking that because we don’t want something, it’s valid to assume that it does not have to be examined more closely. As Derrick Bell says, resistance can be a powerful ally. It allows us to examine what we are intentional about achieving. We can analyze what obstacles are in our way and be strategic about how to handle the obstacles. We may not want to take the actions necessary, but analyzed, we find that our goal compels us to take them anyway.

This is a valuable distinction for business entrepreneurs. By examining our resistance, we can then decide if and how we will move forward. With resistance as our guide, we will not linger in the dark recesses of indecision. Resistance is not only our guide, it is a powerfully ally.

I look forward to hearing from you and what you think about resistance and wanting. Please use the space below to comment.

Does Coaching Work? A Golf Story

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Yesterday my husband told me, “Susan, I finally understand what coaching is all about.”

Until this past May he had not hit a golf ball for almost 50 years. Now he is playing again and last week he actually won a round.

What he said was that one of his golfing partners started to very subtly give him some coaching. He did what the “coach” said and his game improved. The next time they went out together to play, the “coach” pointed out some more things about his swing. My husband says he listens carefully to the coach, puts in the correction—and his game improves. The last time they played, he won a round. He was delighted. “I beat the coach,” he said—but then he laughed, “Of course on the back nine he slaughtered me.” He went on to say, “This is what you do with your coaching clients—you point out things they can’t see, and when they put in the correction they win at the game of business.”

He is right. Coaching is all about listening to the coach then being in action with whatever the coach says to do. It works like magic when the client does it that way.

So then, why do people continue to hire a coach? If this is all so easy, one would think that there would be thousands of successful businesses and thousands of unemployed coaches. What is the factor that stops the magic of coaching? Resistance.

What is resistance? The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as: refusal to accept something new or different: effort made to stop or to fight against someone or something: the ability to prevent something from having an effect

Think about it. As humans we are a huge resistance machine. We don’t like change, and we certainly don’t like being told what to do. We work very hard at avoiding the domination of another person, even if we are paying this person to advise us. Crazy huh? And yet, you know I am right.

When we give up resisting the coach, our game gets better; when we don’t give it up we continue to play the same old golf game.

I look forward to your comments. What do you resist? What are willing to give up in order to experience success? I look forward to hearing from you.

Do You Know One Reason Why You Resist Change? It May Surprise You.

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What makes people resist change? This comment from one of my clients made me think:

“Ah, resistant to change – who, me? My first thought about change is that I am too lazy to change. I’ve done something for so long I don’t have to give it much thought to continue doing it. If I make a conscientious decision to change something, I have to get out of my comfort zone, I have to give it more thought than I normally would and I have to hit up against not knowing how it will turn out. You’d think that if something I’d been doing hadn’t been working out well for me, I’d be more than willing to shake things up a bit, but human nature being what it is…”

But what if the resistance to change is simpler than that? What if it is simply the avoidance of the domination of the change?

If change is involved, then the ways that you have done things will have to be re-thought, you will have to put your attention on the steps to take to change whatever, since it will be new to you. Your old way of doing things has been comfortable; they required a minimum of thought. Now YOU will have to take concrete steps to make change occur. Change begins to dominate you, and YOU hate to be dominated. So, what do you do? You avoid the change. By the way, all of this reaction and inaction is not conscious, it’s was programmed into you when you were a little, tiny person. Probably about 2 years old. That was when bigger people started telling you “No” and you didn’t like it. Remember?

The best way to have change be easy is to first ask yourself: Am I resisting the domination of change? If the answer is yes, then ask: What’s in it for me? Get clear about the benefits of making the change. Are there any benefits?

Do you have things in your life that you have been putting up with, rather than changing them? Think about one thing that you would like to change, yet haven’t. See if you are avoiding the domination of change. Ask yourself: Is there anything in it for me—really—or is it just a good idea, my own or someone else’s? The answer may surprise you.

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